


What We Could've Been.

by Frecckkles



Category: Heathers (1988), Heathers: The Musical - Murphy & O'Keefe
Genre: AU, F/M, Jd's mom is alive, Self-Harm, Suicide Attempts, depressive episodes, i just want them to be in a healthy relationship, its the heathers what did you expect, theres lot of love and healing though, this is like the movie and musical combined.
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2017-02-07
Updated: 2017-03-15
Packaged: 2018-09-22 16:15:25
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 2
Words: 3,945
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/9615590
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Frecckkles/pseuds/Frecckkles
Summary: Senior year is here and everything is looking up for Veronica Saywer. She is popular, she had hot guys drooling after her, and she has gotten news that her old best friend was moving back in town. Okay, maybe that last part wasn't really going to go in her favor.





	1. Guess who's back!

**Author's Note:**

> First actual story I've written within two years! I'm stoked! Okay, so I am very rusty in all things writing, so bare with me for a few chapters.  
> This is an AU where J.D. lived in Sherwood when he was younger and was best friends with Veronica. Also, his mom never committed suicide. I will be following the move/musical events, and turning the bad parts, where people died, with semi-good parts instead. Don't worry, J.D. is still a little messed up, but all is good. 
> 
> Okay, so, read on in this sorry excuse of a first chapter!
> 
> EDIT: My datemate has decided to proofread and help edit chapters! This has been edited already, and the rest of the chapters will come out already edited!

 

_Dear Diary,_

_It’s been 2,190 days since J.D. left Sherwood, Ohio. He doesn’t deserve to be missed, but here I am counting the days since I last saw his face. Maybe I just have a problem with letting people go. God, talk about being pathetic._

Veronica sighed as she put her pen down beside her diary. She didn’t want to start writing about how much she hated herself. She leaned back in her chair and stared at her ceiling. Senior year of high school starts tomorrow and she wanted nothing more than to disappear. All she could do was hope that somehow, _somehow_ , her classmates were tolerable. Most likely not, but a girl can wish.

“Veronica?!” her mother’s voice bellowed from downstairs. She quickly got up from the chair, ignoring the slight dizziness the action caused. She jogged to her door and pulled it open.

”Yeah?” she yelled back. She wanted to make sure there was a good reason to go downstairs instead of wallow in her self-pity. Instead of an answer, Veronica heard someone making their way up the stairs. The creaks of the stairs told her they were half-way up. She walked out of her room and peered down from the banister.

“Martha?” Veronica questioned. The bigger girl stopped walking and looked up with wide eyes.

“V-veronica!” she stuttered out. Alarms went off in Veronica’s head. Martha Dunnstock never stuttered. The girl practiced public speaking while growing up to get out of her awkward phase. She did grow out of it, but no one in school gives her a chance to prove it.

“What’s wrong?” Veronica moved to the top of the stairs, a concerned look on her face. Martha hurried up the rest of the stairs, grabbed Veronica’s forearm, and pulled the girl into her room. Veronica let a small surprised squeak out.

“What the actual fuck?” Veronica asked as soon as Martha closed her bedroom door. Her friend looked like she had seen a ghost. Her skin was pale white, her eyes were wide and looking at anything other than Veronica, and there was sweat forming on her upper lip. “Martha, what did you do?” Veronica squinted her eyes a bit.

“Nothing, I didn’t do anything. Why would you think I did something?” she replied fast. When Veronica saw Martha on the stairs the girl looked somewhat composed, but now she was losing it.

“You’re talking fast and playing with the hem of your shirt, something is up.” Martha’s hands quickly dropped to her sides. “Just tell me what is going on.” Veronica said exasperated. She didn’t like being in the dark.

Martha stopped shifting her eyes and just stared at Veronica. She was sweating more now as she furrowed her eyebrows in deep thought.  It looked like she was at war with herself. Veronica was growing impatient, this wasn’t like her friend.

“Co-“

“Jason’s mom called my mom today.” She blurted out. Veronica’s heart stopped.

“What?” She asked her friend, her eyes growing wide as well. “J.D.?” Martha always called J.D. by his first name. Veronica asked her why she always called him Jason, Martha would just say that she felt weird calling him J.D. Apparently she saw it as a special thing between Veronica and him.

“Yeah, his mom called and said they were planning on moving back. They don’t know when, but she told my mom hopefully soon.” Martha swallowed, obviously knowing how this would affect her best friend.

Veronica felt like she was in a dream. Her eyes glazed over as her thoughts went into overdrive. Moving back? It’s been six years and now he’s coming back? Why did she call Martha’s mom and not hers? She didn’t even know the two moms knew each other. How did he look like? Was he the same as before? A headache was starting to form as one question after another popped into her head.

“You should sit down.” her friend said, but Veronica felt like her voice was a million miles away. She felt cold hands softly grab her wrist and move her to her bed. She was too busy panicking to do anything on her own. Martha forced her to sit down on her bed. The girl was obviously worried about Veronica. Her eyes kept darting from her to the wall.

“I didn’t know how you would handle the news.” she finally said. Veronica wanted to reply, but she was in shock. “I know how much he meant to you. I was afraid you would have a heart attack.” Martha looked at the floor.

“I don’t know how I feel right now.” Veronica slowly said. She was afraid her voice would crack, but luckily it just sounded shaky. She moved to lay down on her bed. Martha sat on the other side of her bed, her eyes showing concern for her friend. “What if he forgot about me? He had to, since he didn’t care to contact me all this time.”

“I don’t think he would’ve. He was practically in love with you.” Martha chuckled, laying down next to Veronica. She looked at her friend and smiled. Her thoughts had slowed down, and now there was just a dull ache in her chest.

“Oh, please. Did you see eleven year old me? There is no way he was in love with that.” Veronica rolled her eyes. “Plus, we were too young to know how to love someone outside our family. Maybe he just liked me a lot.” she reasoned, more so with herself than with Martha. Martha rolled her eyes and got up from the bed.

“I’ll let you believe what you want to believe.” she said as she headed towards the door. “Let’s go watch the Princess Bride! I left it downstairs.” Martha looked at Veronica and smiled. She smiled back at her and quickly got off the bed. The ache in her chest was subsiding all together.

Maybe everything would be okay.

Everything was not going to be okay. Three weeks into the school year and Veronica somehow found herself to be one of the most popular girls in the school. The Heathers took her underneath their wing and taught her how to actually fit in.

“Veronica, we got to motor.” Heather Chandler said as she grabbed Veronica’s arm and pulled her out of the bathroom. The other two Heathers were waiting just outside the door. Heather Duke was glaring at her while Heather McNamara gave her a small smile.

“Finally. I was about to proclaim you two dead and take over the group myself.” Duke gave a smile that told Veronica she was not joking. The girl was green with envy of Heather Chandler. Veronica figured that out on the first day of being in the group.

“Oh, shut up, slut.” Chandler rolled her eyes. She let go of Veronica’s arm and straightened out her plaid skirt. “I heard there was a new kid and I wanted to see what he looked like.” She casually said as her eyes searched the hallway they were in. Veronica’s skin started to tingle. New kid? Their town was so small that the only new kids they got were freshman.

“Why do you even care?” Duke was inspecting her nails. She didn’t really care about any boys besides Ram Sweeney and Kurt Kelly. Veronica wondered how exactly these two girls became friends. They were constantly fighting and causing drama for the other. Of course, Duke followed Chandler, but sometimes she would try to take charge and make things complicated between them.

“Maybe I’m tired of all of us sharing the same dick, Heather. I need _new_  meat.” She gave a smirk and continued her search. McNamara just stood next to Veronica on her phone. Her fingers were quickly tapping the screen as she texted someone. She’s been glued to her phone lately, Veronica would have to ask her about that later. Hopefully she met someone, hopefully out of this shitty school.

“What if he is a lame ass? You want to suck nerd penis?” Duke looked up at Chandler. It wasn’t a very good comeback, but at least she tried.

“Then Veronica could have him.” Chandler shrugged. Veronica side-glanced at her.

“What’s that supposed to mean?” She said, smoothing out her blazer to calm her nerves. What if J.D. finally came back? If Heather became interested in him, then Veronica would have to sit on the sidelines and watch her ‘best friend’ try to get in her ex-best friend’s pants. That thought alone made Veronica inwardly shiver.

“You passed up every chance that Ram and Kurt gave you to sleep with them. I figured you’re either a prude, gay, or like to take advantage of virgins.” Chandler said. “Aha!” She found who she was looking for and started to walk towards them. Veronica followed after her, silently rolling her eyes at Heather. She tried to look over the girl to see who she found, but couldn’t find anyone that stood out.

Heather weaved through people like it was nothing. Veronica was having some trouble not being squeezed to death by people bigger than her. She was considered to be pretty short, so it was easy to just step on her.

“Shit, lost him in the crowd.” she sighed and stopped in the middle of the hallway. Veronica almost collided with her. Luckily, she stopped in time. The bell rang signaling that it was lunch time.

Chandler figured that he might be in the cafeteria (or what they called the café), so she just started walking again without saying anything. Heather Duke was busy talking to some football player to notice that her leader had started moving again. Veronica didn’t say anything as she followed Chandler. McNamara was hot on her heels, head down looking at her phone. Every so often her eyes would look up for a second to make sure she wasn’t going to bump into someone.

As they entered the café, Veronica’s eye was caught by someone sitting in the corner. He was wearing all black and picking at his food. He look like he was wearing a long trench coat. She furrowed her brows, who wears that anymore? As if he felt her staring, he looked up. He stared back before winking and going back to his food. Veronica’s skin broke out in goosebumps. This was the new kid. He didn’t look like J.D., but there was something about the way he looked at her.

Heather Chandler commented on her drooling, saying that the guy wasn’t cute enough for her to suck his dick. Veronica felt like she did when Martha told her J.D. was coming back. She felt dazed and far away from everyone. Her eyes stayed on him, trying to figure out what it was that bothered her.

While she was staring, Ram and Kurt made their way towards him. She couldn’t hear what was being said, but before long punches were being thrown. That was enough to snap her out of her daze.

The new kid blocked Kurt’s punch with a book that was beside him on the table and punched him in his stomach. Kurt stumbled back onto a table in shock. Before Ram was able to defend his friend, the new kid turned and punched him right in the face. Kurt got off the table and charged. The guy in black grabbed his arm and kicked him right in the balls, leaving Kurt to crumble on the ground in pain. The fight continued on before someone came and broke it up.

The new kid walked away from the two boys on the ground, smirking that he was able to throw the last punch. He was headed towards her. Her head started swimming, is this J.D.? Why was he coming this way? She should just run away? She hands started to get clammy as he continued his way towards her. It seemed like time slowed down for them. Their eyes stayed locked to each others, both trying to understand what the other was feeling. Veronica’s emotions were usually worn on her sleeve, so it wouldn’t be hard for him to see that she was nervous. His mouth cracked into a smile as he got closer to her. He stopped within a few feet from her. It felt like everyone was staring at them. Finally he spoke:

“Veronica!”

_Shit._


	2. Tension

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Veronica says some stuff, J.D. punches a wall, and they discuss the term motor.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hi, obviously I am super late to update. College and my mental illness have kept me distracted, so I apologize. This chapter isn't good, but it's all I have for now. Take it and try to make sense of it.

“Who the _fuck_ is this, Veronica?” Heather Chandler asked as she made her way beside her. The other two Heathers made their way as well and stood behind them, all three frowned at the boy standing in front of them.

“Oh, th-“

“The name’s J.D., Veronica’s best friend in the whole world.” He interrupted Veronica as he stuck out his hand, expecting Chandler to actually shake it, and flashed his teeth hoping that would charm her. Instead, she sneered and crossed her arms across her chest, the girl’s behind them snickered quietly. Veronica just stood there staring at him with wide eyes. She doesn’t even consider them friends at the moment, so the fact that he said that absolutely astonished her. J.D. shrugged when Chandler didn’t take his hand and just slipped it back into one of the pockets on his trench coat.

“We’re _not_ best friends.” She heard herself say. Anger started to boil within her, he left her alone all these years and he had the audacity to still call them best friends? She thought not! This time he was the one standing there with wide eyes. He didn’t think that she would flat out reject him, he thought she would be happy to be in his presence again. Oh, how wrong was he.

“Oh, is this a lover’s quarrel?” Heather Duke teased. Her green eyes sparkled at the obvious discomfort that Veronica was in.

“Damn, Veronica, how come you didn’t tell us you had your own boy toy.” Chandler added on. McNamara didn’t say anything, instead she giggled at what the other two Heathers said.

“We weren’t lovers.” Veronica rolled her eyes. Duke wasn’t a bad person, she was just a person who liked to start unneeded drama. Usually, it gave Veronica joy, but at the moment it annoyed her like no other.

“We could’ve been, you never know.” J.D. piped in keeping his eyes on Veronica and gave nothing else his attention. His light brown eyes always fascinated her, there was a time where she wanted to do nothing but stare at them for hours, now they were foreign to her. She didn’t know who this person was anymore.

“No, you never had chance, nor will you ever.” The bottle inside her was open and she didn’t have enough control to close it. “In fact, why don’t you just go and ignore me like you’ve done all these years. I can’t even look you in the face without being totally disgusted.” Her voice got louder with every word. Soon, they had a small crowd around them, wondering what the fuck was going on with Veronica Sawyer. The girl who seemed so positive and happy just last week, was now yelling at some new kid in the school cafeteria.

J.D.’s face stayed neutral, he didn’t dare let his emotions betray him now. “Fine, if that’s what you want.” He forced a smile on his face and bowed before the four girls, then, without another word, he turned around and left the cafeteria. Veronica’s legs were trembling as she watched him go. She didn’t mean to be that harsh, but then again she meant every word that she said.

“Holy shit, Veronica actually _can be_ mean.” Chandler laughed and slung a slender arm around her shoulder. Duke and McNamara came behind her, but didn’t dare touch her like their fearless leader did. “I was starting to get scared that you didn’t belong with us, but that just proved you did. Ten bucks that he goes and tries to hang himself or something after being rejected like that.” Veronica barely paid her any attention, she was too wrapped up in her own mind.

“Isn’t that going too far, Heather?” McNamara chimed up for the first time in the entire conversation. The leader of the group rolled her eyes and ignored her friend. Instead, she just looked at everything in the cafeteria. The small group around them had dispersed right after J.D. walked out, and returned back to their normal lunch routine. Kurt and Ram were on the other side mending to their hurt pride with a bunch of ice packs and by bullying some unsuspecting freshmen.

“I’m going to be sick.” Veronica wrapped one of her arms around her stomach. It felt like something was trying to claw its way out of her. She started to sweat and shake ever more than before, McNamara noticed and quickly caught her arm to keep her from crashing to the floor. Chandler would’ve removed her arm from Veronica’s shoulders, but she felt so sorry for the girl that she kept it in place. Maybe no one would notice this _small_ act of goodness.

“Let’s take you to the nurse’s office.” Heather McNamara softly said and started to help walk the girl out of the cafeteria. Veronica wanted to ask for Martha to take her instead, but her best friend had second hour lunch. Betty Finn, another friend of hers, popped into her mind, but the girl also had second hour with Martha.

“Okay.” Veronica gave in and tried her best to walk. Heather Chandler couldn’t dish out too much niceness, so she removed her arm before they exited and walked ahead of them. Duke ended up replacing her as she grabbed Veronica’s arm and gave an exaggerated eye roll. Slowly, they made their way to nurse’s office.

* * *

“Thank you, girls.” The nurse said as she closed the door on the Heathers. Veronica sat on the only bed in the room. The bed was small covered in white sheets that smelled of lavender laundry detergent. In her hand was a half full cup of water that she took a drink of occasionally. The nurse stood opposite of her filling a cup for herself from the sink.

“Rough day, huh?” She commented after her drink was filled to the brim. Veronica didn’t feel like talking so she just nodded her head. The nurse understood quickly that she wanted to be left alone, so she quietly disappeared through a door that connected the room to the one next door. Veronica didn’t know what was in the other room and didn’t really care enough to check. She just kept her eyes on the floor and took sips from her cup. She felt somewhat better, but the regret of what she said started to sink in.

“ _Fuck_!” Someone cursed outside the door as they stood in the hallway. Veronica didn’t move an inch. Slowly the door opened, creaking a bit as it did. Veronica finally looked at it, only to see J.D. pop his head in and stare at her with wide eyes. He quickly went inside the office and shut the door pretty loudly.

“What was that?” The nurse said as she re-entered the room.

“Oh, I just need some band aids, but I can come back later.” J.D. pulled down his left sleeve over his hand in an attempt to hide it. The nurse quickly grabbed his arm and rolled back his sleeve. She gasped as she saw that his knuckles were busted and covered in smeared blood.

“What happened?!”

“I _accidentally_ punched a wall.” J.D. shrugged his shoulders. Veronica felt something inside of her break, guilt hit her like a brick making her hands shake. The water in the cup started to slosh from her shaking, she tried to stop but it wasn’t something she could control.

“I’ll get some gauze, sit across from Miss Sawyer.” The nurse pointed to an open seat in front of Veronica and disappeared into the next room. J.D. awkwardly shuffled his way to the seat, keeping his eyes on the floor.

They both sat there quietly, the tension building up as they both tried their best to not look at each other. The only noise that could be heard was from the other room as the nurse shuffled through stuff to find what she needed.

“Did you mean it?” J.D. asked with his eyes still on the floor. Veronica looked up at him, her mouth slightly opened as she tried to figure out what she should say.

“I don’t think so.” She finally mustered out. While she did mean some of it, she didn’t mean that she was disgusted to look at him. In fact, Jason Dean was hard to not look at. His tanned skin, dark curly hair, and freckles easily caught her eye. He turned into a beautiful young man.

“Then why say it?” He questioned again, his eyes slowly lifted their gaze to meet hers. He had his eyebrows furrowed as if in deep thought.

“I don’t know. I was kind of put on the spot back there.” Veronica rubbed her neck in discomfort. She wished the Heathers would’ve stayed so they could talk to him instead of her. J.D. didn’t say anything in return, he just slumped his shoulders and went back to looking at the floor.

“Okay, I got everything.” The nurse smiled as she came back into the room with a basket of supplies in it. She began to clean his cuts and wrap everything up. It didn’t take long before his knuckle was covered in white gauze.

“Thanks.” He gave her a small smile and rubbed the wrist of his hurt hand.

“No problem, kiddo, just don’t go punching anymore walls. You’re free to go, and so are you, Miss Sawyer, just keep water on you all day today.” With that she cleaned up the small mess she made and walked back into the other room. Just as she left the last period bell rang. Both teens stood up and walked out of the room without saying anything to each other.Veronica took a left as she exited, and gulped when she noticed that J.D. also took a left. Students started to file into the hallway making their way to their last class of the day.

“Well, I got to motor.” Veronica said. J.D. didn’t even look at her but a small smile made its way to his lips.

“Motor? What kind of term is that?”

“A cool kid term. Everyone here says it.”

“I’ve been here one day and you’re the first person I’ve heard use such a ridiculous term. Motors are supposed to be for cars, not slang.” He chuckled. Veronica stared at him, the way his freckled nose wrinkled as he laughed was the same as it did when they were kids.

“I think it’s a perfectly good term.” She disagreed, quickly looking ahead so she wouldn’t run into anyone. At this pace she was going to be late to her last class.

“Whatever floats your boat. Well, Veronica, this is where I say goodbye.” He announced as they came to the door for psychology. She had American history a few doors down. He bowed his head as a goodbye and slipped into the classroom before she could say anything.

She quickly made her way to her class, entering just as the bell rang. Sliding into her seat, she realized that she didn’t have her textbooks. She groaned, they were in her locker still! She let her head hit the desk, today was such a shit day for her.


End file.
